I just deleted a post

I wrote a post two weeks ago about an incident that occurred the first day I was on my own in CPE (Clinical Pastoral Education). I'm functioning as a chaplain at Good Samaritan Hospital in Downers Grove. It was a doozy. Very Twilight Zone. Unfortunately, as I finished it, I realized I can't blog about it without violating confidentiality. Even if I disguised the names, I would be revealing too much information. The situation is unfortunate, but it's necessary.

So, I can't talk about specific incidents, fascinating though they be, but I can talk about what I'm learning about myself through my experiences. Hope this doesn't devolve into naval gnawing. We do so much introspection in CPE, there is a danger of that.

So far, I'm finding the experience wonderful. People ask me if I "like" it. That verb just doesn't work in this context. I've had really wonderful conversations with people and I've had really unpleasant conversations too. I'm surprised to find that the smells and sights of the hospital room and ER don't bother me as I thought they might. Also, when I deal with people in crisis, I'm not dissolving into a puddle as I thought I might. My eyes do tear up now and then. I'd be inhuman if they didn't. I suppose one of the first things seminarians come face to face with in CPE is that life is, indeed, incredibly fragile. One step can separate us from a lifelong disability or sudden death. Had a fender bender last week (definitely not my fault) and I find I'm a bit wary when I'm driving, a little fearful. I hope that passes soon. Also, I pay special attention to motorcyclists. It's so easy not to see them, to creep up on them and bump them off the road. And this stupid state doesn't require helmets. I've seen a few head injuries that are the result of that omission. I'll be back with more thoughts soon.