More CPE Reflections

Space and time are finally making a difference for me. When I would come home after being at the hospital all day, I'd make myself some dinner, turn on the TV, and fall asleep sitting up after about twenty minutes. I usually slept every night for about two hours and woke with a crick in my neck. At first this really bothered me. I thought I just didn't have the stamina I needed to be a chaplain; then I discovered that the other CPE-ers were just as exhausted as I was. Of course, I finally realized, as so many people have pointed out to me, the exhaustion was more emotional than physical. After going back to Seabury on Monday night, I finally felt as if I had left the world of chaplaincy and was back in Seminaryland. I've also noticed that I don't fall asleep in the evening the way I used to. I seem to have a great deal more energy. Others have mentioned that it takes a while to "come down" from the CPE experience. That's certainly been true for me. It's also interesting that, while I was doing CPE, the thought of going back to school just wearied me. I think I just couldn't deal with the emotional load of both CPE and school. Now that CPE is over, school is looking really good. I love the fall. New books, new pens, new pads of paper.